So this post is a direct response to another blog, the link to which is provided below.
I strongly recommend you read it because it’s so perfectly exemplary of the attitude of many Christians today, and the approach that they would like homosexuals to take- which they consider “compassionate” but is still incredibly bigoted.
Again, please read it, but to sum it up:
The author suggests that he accepts his same sex attraction, and thus can be considered “gay” since he is indeed attracted to other men. But he then concedes that he can’t be considered “gay” because, since God thinks it’s sinful to engage in homosexual acts, he is celibate and doesn’t actually do anything “gay.”
This immediately struck a chord with me as it’s the same bullshit approach that my own family would love for me to take. That whole “love the sinner, hate the sin” approach. But what people don’t realize is how this attitude is no better than Fred Phelp’s “God Hates Fags” movement – and how much it matters. And how disheartening it is to see the majority of the comments on that post celebratory and proud of this man denying himself love and companionship because of his religion.
Before I get into it though, I want to respond directly to one of the comments on the blog, by Andrew Faris, about asking for scientific evidence that homosexuality is natural, to which I responded by asking for evidence that god is real. He suggested taking the conversation somewhere else and I thought this would be a better venue.
About homosexuality being natural/normal.
While I wouldn’t normally be linking to Wikipedia, as it’s not really a reliable source, the page for this contains all of the links to the reliable sources at the bottom of the page under references, as well as decent summaries.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biology_and_sexual_orientation
But, frankly, I don’t think that matters.
The argument boils down to a question of choice more than a question of the biological root, and that question is where being homosexual is a choice or is not a choice, and whether it is possible and/harmful for people to “convert” to heterosexuality.
There is an element of homosexuality that is not a choice, and an element that is.
The element that isn’t is same sex attraction. Just like a straight male doesn’t decide to get aroused when he sees a naked woman, a homosexual male doesn’t choose to become aroused by men. Since that’s a biological reaction, I’d assume there is some sort of biological cause. Likewise, since over 1500 species engage in homosexual activity, I’d suggest it was pretty natural. But again, it doesn’t matter. Whether it’s from a gene or life experiences or whatever, it’s not something you choose, as even the author of that blog acknowledges. I can acknowledge this myself as a gay man, and also, similarly to the author of that blog, can confirm that I had feelings towards other males from a very early age, well before understanding what it meant, and without any sort of external pressure to do so, like abuse or weird familial structure or whatever. I had a pretty normal childhood, and ever since I can remember I was attracted to men. Where this relates to the comparison to skin color or height is that just like those attributes, it’s not something you can choose. It’s not saying they both have the same biological measureable cause, its saying just like you can’t decide to have black skin, you can’t decide to be attracted to men or women or both. And research has shown that trying to change this is overwhelmingly harmful, and doesn’t work.
But, truth be told, even if for someone it was a choice – that’s still a choice that should be respected and tolerated. If someone didn’t say what gender of person they were aroused by, but that they decided they wanted to be with someone of the same gender, that’s a completely valid choice. I have never met anyone like that, and don’t know if they exist, but if they do, they have the right to do that. Likewise, someone who is attracted to people of the same gender (and is honest and open about it) but decides to be with someone of the opposite gender (honestly) or alone – because they choose to, not because they feel it’s wrong to be who they are – deserves respect and tolerance. Again, I don’t know any of these people, but whether nature or nurture or choice, who someone decided to have for a partner that is a consenting adult is their own choice and shouldn’t be criticized by someone else.
The choice of gay people is to accept who they are and be unafraid to live openly and honestly as who they are. And it is a choice. For me, this choice came around 17 or 18. I had to consciously acknowledge that no matter how many girls I dated or tried to be with physically, I wanted to be with a man, even if my family told me I would go to hell for it and at the time I believed it was hugely wrong. It wasn’t an easy choice, and one that took me years to make. But it was a choice. And it was a choice with only one courageous option – to be true to myself. Could I have forced myself to deny it, and be with women, and get married and live a “normal” looking life? Yes. Could I have chosen as Bryan did to openly admit my sexuality but never act on it out of a sense of religious obligation since I believed it was a wrong? Yes. But those choices are wrong and cowardly – and the message that they send is both the same, and hugely damaging.
An undeniable fact is that suicide among LGBT youth is significantly larger than among straight youth. It’s estimated nearly 30-40% of young gay and lesbian people have attempted suicide. That’s an absurdly high percent. And there is one reason, above all the others, that causes this.
The belief that something is wrong with you. That you are either broken or sick or wrong in some way. That there is something inherently wrong with what you want – the way that a murderer’s desire is wrong, or a child predator’s desire is wrong. It’s this belief that causes the effects that cause young kids to try to kill themselves. It causes self-hatred and external bullying, it causes families to break apart and people to be left abandoned when they need love the most. And it’s incredibly dangerous.
Bryan might be willing to admit that he has feelings towards men, but he’s also agreeing that if he was to act on those feelings he would be doing something wrong. Which puts him in the same boat as Fred Phelps and Rick Santorum and any other person who is responsible for making gay people feel “wrong.” And it’s sad.
And it’s intolerable.
As a culture, as a country, as a people, as a species, we need to move towards a place where if a child feels same sex attraction, he won’t even think twice about it, he’ll just be like every other kid. Where it’ll be normal for people to marry who they love, and no one will bat an eyelash about what gender they are. And it’s not such a far stretch.
Martin Luther King Jr. imagined a world where white kids and black kids would play together and not notice their differences, and in many ways, we are getting there.
I imagine a world where sexual orientation won’t be discussed because it will be a non-issue – like skin color. And I think, slowly but surely, we are getting there.
But mentalities like Bryans are going in the wrong direction. And it’s sad. I feel bad for him. Honestly. I want him to find love. I want him to find happiness. I want him to know that he is whole and perfect and wonderful and shouldn’t feel bad about himself. I want him to find a man who will love him and respect him and make him know these things. But I don’t think that will happen.
Why?
Religion.
I’m not going to get into it again, but read some of my previous entries, most specifically On Religion for a brief slice of my perspective.
http://dharmaburns.com/2012/07/11/on-religion-part-1/
Now about our discussion regarding god – if you are up for it, I’d love you to answer the questions in my previous post.
“So why do people who otherwise are sane believe this nonsense? I really want someone to explain it to me. “Faith” is not an answer. How admitting you believe nonsense just because you believe it is an answer is beyond me.
When a nut job hears God tell her to drown her kids in a bathtub we all admit she’s a nut. But when a reasonable person says gay people shouldn’t get married because God says so we see this as a respectable opinion.
So that’s my challenge- without citing faith, why should we respect beliefs which are based on things that are factually and scientifically impossible?
Why is someone who believes in a flying spaghetti monster a crazy person but someone who believes 2000 years ago a Middle Eastern man was born by a virgin and rose from the dead and walked on water is sane enough to run for office?
How can you believe things that are factually wrong and not know you are an idiot?”
